[a nurse has just witnessed sounds of passionate love-making followed by Hawksmoor and then Matron leaving the room with their clothing in disarray; Hawksmoor now comes into the dining room where Thelma, Bernard, Leslie, Joyce and Audrey are sitting with their arms folded, disgusted at being served cabbage yet again]

Hawksmoor:
What is going on?
[no-one answers him]

Hawksmoor:
[to Audrey]
Miss Nightingale, why aren't you eating?
Hawksmoor:
[to Leslie]
Mr Hewitt?
Hawksmoor:
[to Thelma]
Is this your influence, Mrs Caldicot?
[still no-one answers him; they all sit with their arms folded, steadfastly refusing to eat]

Hawksmoor:
What exactly is the problem?
Thelma Caldicot:
It's rubbish. That's the problem.
Hawksmoor:
This is perfectly balanced dietary cuisine.
Thelma Caldicot:
Oh. Would you like to joins us?
Hawksmoor:
[to Bernard]
Mr Livingstone.
Bernard:
I'm with Mrs Caldicot.
Leslie:
So am I.
Joyce:
So am I.
Audrey:
And me.
Hawksmoor:
[patronisingly]
A missed meal can cause serious medical problems. I hope you're prepared to take on that responsiblity.
[they exchange glances and reluctantly start to eat]

Hawksmoor:
Thank you.
[Hawksmoor turns to leave the room]

Bernard:
Commander?
Hawksmoor:
Yes?
Bernard:
You're flying low, old boy.
Hawksmoor:
What?
[Thelma turns to look at Hawksmoor, and smirks. Hawksmoor checks his fly and discovers that it is unzipped from his earlier "encounter" with the Matron]

Thelma Caldicot, Audrey, Joyce, Leslie, Bernard:
[laugh]

Film

Mrs Caldicot's Cabbage War (2003)

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