Austin Tichenor:
Antony and Cleopatra is not some Alka-Seltzer commercial! It's a romantic thriller about a geo-political power struggle between Egypt and Rome.
Adam Long:
[looks at audience]
Oh yeah, like you knew, you were all laughing.
[to Austin]

Adam Long:
I'm sorry, I apologize, I apologize, you know. If I had known this was Shakespeare's geo-political play, I wouldn't have screwed around with it, because my favorite plays are his geo-political plays.
Austin Tichenor:
Really, really?
Adam Long:
No, seriously, they're intense, man. Like, um, what was that one he wrote about nuclear energy in the former Soviet Union?
Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor:
No, no...
Adam Long:
It was way ahead of its time. It was a metaphor... wrapped in an allegory.
Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor:
[shakes heads]
No...
Adam Long:
It was intense, man. It was called "Chernobyl Kinsmen," and it was all about this...
Reed Martin:
[interrupts]
Adam, Adam, Shakespeare wrote a play called
[holding up two fingers]

Reed Martin:
"Two Noble Kinsmen."
Austin Tichenor:
Not "Chernobyl Kinsmen."
Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor:
[holding up two fingers]
"Two Noble Kinsmen."
Adam Long:
It was "cher."
Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor:
It was "two."
Adam Long:
Cher, cher, cher...
Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor:
[simultaneously]
Two, two, two...
Adam Long:
Cher, cher... what's "Two Noble Kinsmen?"
Austin Tichenor:
"Two Noble Kinsmen" is about a girl who goes insane with the fear that her boyfriend is going to be eaten by wolves and her father hanged.
Adam Long:
[pause]
And is Boris Yeltsin in it?
Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor:
NO!

Film

The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) (2000)

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