The Caddy:
Time to apply the repellent.
Leslie Nielsen:
Great Scott, I forgot. This is the whole, isn't it? Yeah.
[the Caddy sprays Leslie Nielsen]

Brad:
What is that stuff?
Leslie Nielsen:
Dianastydethylene. You better go ahead and spray yourself, too. This is the only surefire protection against the Death's Head Tick.
Brad:
The what tick?
Leslie Nielsen:
The Death's- didn't you check the bulletin board back at the club? This is what they recommend. It's a small biting bug about the size of a period at the end of a sentence. Ioxides...
The Caddy:
Demeaney.
Leslie Nielsen:
Ioxides Demeaney. Under a microscope, the shape of its back is like a skull, which is why they call it the Death's Head Tick.
Brad:
Well isn't that great. They must have a wonderful time at Halloween!
Leslie Nielsen:
You don't have any repellent?
Brad:
No.
Leslie Nielsen:
Uh...?
The Caddy:
[shakes spray can]
Sorry, we're empty.
Leslie Nielsen:
We better skip the hole.
Brad:
Not on your life, pal. There's no way you're gonna be able to say this wasn't an official 18-hole match. You wanna quit, you forfeit the match, you lose the bet.
Leslie Nielsen:
Hey, look, look. You go right ahead. We're the ones who are protected, you're not.
Brad:
...What happens when one of these things bites you?
Leslie Nielsen:
It's on the bulletin board back at the clubhouse: High fever, seizures, paralysis, gangrene, short term memory loss. They even suspect that the tick is a carrier of leprosy.
[pause]

Leslie Nielsen:
Just a minute, hold on. Now...
[points to a tree]

Leslie Nielsen:
Right up there, by that tall tree?
Brad:
Where?
Leslie Nielsen:
Just to the left of it. You see that little dark cloud? That's a tick swarm. Right up there.
Brad:
I don't see it.
Leslie Nielsen:
Just to the right hand side of the tall tree.
[the Caddy sticks a leaf in Brad's ear]

Brad:
Aah! Something...
Leslie Nielsen:
What is it?
Brad:
...in the ear!
The Caddy:
[waving the leafy stick wildly]
There was a SWARM of them, right by his head!
Brad:
In my ear!
Leslie Nielsen:
That would be the worst place to get one of those ticks, in that ear canal.
[to The Caddy]

Leslie Nielsen:
Are you sure?
The Caddy:
Positive.
Leslie Nielsen:
Well that, that does it. We'll skip the hole.
Brad:
Oh no, you don't. I'll... tee off from the blues.

Film

Leslie Nielsen's Bad Golf My Way (1994)

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