1st Judge:
Re-direct, Mr. Weathers?
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
Yes, your Honor. Mr. Torkenson, how long have you known the plaintiff, Mr. Wilby?
Raymond Torkenson:
Oh, approximately 12 years.
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
And over that duration, did you have an opportunity to form an opinion as to the character of the plaintiff?
Raymond Torkenson:
I did, yeah.
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
Could you please state that opinion for the court?
Raymond Torkenson:
You mean what I really think of him?
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
Your honest opinion, sir.
Raymond Torkenson:
He's an asshole.
Matt Cowens:
Objection!
1st Judge:
You bet. Sustained! The answer will be stricken.
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
Sidebar, your Honor.
1st Judge:
Sidebar? What for?
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
Because I want a sidebar.
[1st Judge grunts, then directs lawyers to his bench]

Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
I respectfully request, your Honor, that the answer be allowed.
1st Judge:
What?
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
It should stand. It is relevant.
1st Judge:
And it's offensive. Don't compound it, counselor.
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
Your Honor, if I may...
1st Judge:
Tell the witness to rephrase the answer.
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
Well, that's just it, your Honor. He can't. The word has a very distinct connotation. There's nothing else that quite captures it.
Matt Cowens:
I object. Are you saying the president of a bank can't articulate his thoughts without using profanity?
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
What I'm saying, sir, is that there aren't many words to describe the particular slime that your client oozes.
Matt Cowens:
Objection!
1st Judge:
Mr. Weathers, just where in the name of God do you think you are?
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
I think, your Honor, that I'm in a place where every citizen can have his say.
1st Judge:
Yes, yes, but not in any way he wants to say it. Tell him to pick another word.
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
Like what? Deceitful? Dishonest? Conniving? They're all close.
Matt Cowens:
Objection!
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
But asshole really fits. It's the only word that accurately describes the man, and we can demonstrate just that. Everybody thinks he's an asshole.
Matt Cowens:
Son of a bitch!
Robin 'Stormy' Weathers:
Oh, that's good, too!
Matt Cowens:
Shut up!
1st Judge:
What the hell?
[Bangs gavel]

1st Judge:
Court's adjourned. In my chambers! Now!

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Colpo di scena (1987)

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