Austin Tichenor:
[reading off names of plays from the program]
"Coriolanus"...
Adam Long:
Oh, just, let's just skip it.
Reed Martin:
Why, what... what's the matter with "Coriolanus"?
Adam Long:
[pause]
I don't like the anus part.
[laughter from audience]

Adam Long:
I just think... no, I think it's offensive, and we have some young children.
[points to Boy in Audience]

Austin Tichenor:
Yeah, you know, that's fine.
Adam Long:
It's not a clever word, kid, I don't...
Boy in Audience:
I'm 13!
Adam Long:
I don't care if you're 20, I don't want to hear you using language like that, young man.
[points to Woman next to him]

Adam Long:
Is this your mommy?
[grins, laughter from audience]

Adam Long:
[to Boy]
Don't give me the evil eye! Now I know why some animals eat their young. You know, I swear to God.
Austin Tichenor:
Adam, Adam, just... you know, relax...
[whispers in Adam's ear]

Austin Tichenor:
I think, I think that kid could kick your ass, so just leave him alone.
Boy in Audience:
[nods enthusiastically]

Film

The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) (2000)

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