DiCinema

George Carlin:
[discussing what's on TV at the same time as this special]
Later on tonight on the Pay-Per-View, on Pay-Per-View, Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson's concert is on and TV guide-listed all the songs he's gonna sing; he's gonna start out with one of my favorites: "Too Drunk to Jerk Off". Isn't that a good one? God I love that song! Then he's gonna do a series of love songs: "Kiss Me, I'm Coming". Aw that's a good one. "Kiss me, I'm coming. Oh now, I'm humming!"
[hums]

George Carlin:
Well I can't help it, I am a romantic and I do enjoy the sentimental tunes. Here's a sad song: "I Should've Fucked Oh Whatshername". Remember that? "I should've never played the game, I should've fucked oh Whatshername." Here's one my mother used to sing around the house: "Your Love Ran Down My Leg, and Now You're Gone". Yeah, that one always got to me. I'm glad you feel the same way. Here's a fine love song: "You Blew My Mind, Now Blow Me". He's even gonna do a Stevie Wonder song: "I Just Called To Say I Tested Positive". Well, you don't wanna leave anybody out, you know what I mean? And hey, and hey, what would a Willie Nelson show be without a couple of cowboy songs? He's gonna do that one George Jones and Waylon Jennings wrote, "Drinking Beer, Taking a Shit, and Passing Out", then he's gonna do kind of a traditional western song, one that Gene Autry used to sing when I was a little boy: "It's Midnight in Montana and I Can't Get My Dick Outta This Cow." You know why I like that song so much? Cause it's a real cowboy song. And by the way, speaking of cattle-fucking, do you know why it is when a rancher fucks a sheep, he does so at the edge of a cliff? It's so the sheep will push back; just a little tip for you outdoorsmen when you're out camping.

Film

George Carlin: You Are All Diseased (1999)

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