Sheriff Edward Gideon, Blanc de Blanc:
[drunkenly]
You're absolutely right, Swiss. I'm a horse's ass. And... of all th' horse's asses in the world... you... are my real friend.
Blanc de Blanc:
Now you're really beginnin' to make a little sense. But Black Jack, why did you choose the kind of existence that pays nothing and is full of danger? You got a house full of kids, and a woman who, exceptin' for the beard, could be the twin of Mochako.
Sheriff Edward Gideon:
Mochako doesn't have a beard.
Blanc de Blanc:
But Clementine has. Hey, look, we could both be rich, Black Jack. Rich, you hear? Let's open the box and divide up the money, huh? Think about it. Paris.
[Mimes the Can-Can... Black Jack starts to join in]

Sheriff Edward Gideon:
Yeah, you're right, Swiss. Let's cha-cha-cha-cha the law! And everybody who the hell believes in it! Let's open the box! I've got the- I've got the key!
[He pulls the key out from his pocket]

Sheriff Edward Gideon:
So let's...
[His hand hovers over one of the three locks. He's forgotten which lock the key fits]

Blanc de Blanc:
C'mon, what's the matter?
Sheriff Edward Gideon:
The matter is, I can't remember which lock to open! An-and if we open the wrong lock...
[imitates explosion noises musically]

Blanc de Blanc:
Very funny. Calm down, there are only three keyholes to choose from. Black, yellow and white. You gotta remember which one it is!
Sheriff Edward Gideon:
[Despondently]
With all that fire water you gave me to drink, I can't even remember my own name!
Blanc de Blanc:
Your name is Black Jack! Now come on, now, open this damn box! Come on!
Sheriff Edward Gideon:
I got it! Eenie, meenie, miney, mo, catch a...
[pauses, then points to the black lock]

Sheriff Edward Gideon:
That's it!
[He kisses the key, and starts to try and insert the key into the black lock. Swiss stops him]

Blanc de Blanc:
Hey, wait! Are you sure?
Sheriff Edward Gideon:
Sure? No.
Blanc de Blanc:
You're not just drunk! You're crazy!
[He gets up and leaves]

Blanc de Blanc:
Let me out of this looney bin!
[Black Jack looks fit to cry]

Sheriff Edward Gideon:
God damn it! The one time I decide to screw the law... I can't remember which lock to use!
[Rests his head, whimpering, on the box]

Film

Il bianco, il giallo, il nero (1975)

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