| 
                    
                        [repeated line]
Lois Griffin:
Peeetah!                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
[Stewie has just seen his parents ha [...]                    
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                        Olivia:
Do you even know what sex IS? 
Stewie Grif [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
[imitating Truman Capote]
Audrey He [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
You know, it's dangerous for me to [...]                    
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                        Carter Pewterschmidt:
[Attempting to Chat Up a Tee [...]                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
The Griffins. Bunch of card-carryin [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
You got anything on that remote low [...]                    
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                        Auctioner:
Our first item is a pair of panties con [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Meg, put your bib on. 
Meg Griffin:
 [...]                    
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                        [Peter has taken some politicians to a strip joint [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
Look at you. You spent all that tim [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
I want to be a vet when I grow up. 
P [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
Why are you sending me to Vocationa [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
The Global Community's Inaction dur [...]                    
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                        Peter:
I've got your first headline, Meg. Lois, I  [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
I wish Chris would quit drawing pictu [...]                    
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                        [Family is trying to hide from mobsters]
Peter Gr [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
The outrages I have suffered today [...]                    
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                        [Chris and Meg are fighting over who should have t [...]                    
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                        Mr. Rogers:
Hello, neighbor. I'm glad we're togeth [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[clearing his throat]
Excuse me but [...]                    
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                        Christian Abstinence Campaigner:
You wouldn't put  [...]                    
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                        Teeth # 1:
Okay. 
Teeth # 1:
One, two... 
Stewie G [...]                    
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                        [upon finding out the local bar has been turned in [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Oh, you people can kiss the fattest [...]                    
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                        Lois:
Chris, that's a terrible word. Pussywillow.                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Kids, stop fighting or we won't go t [...]                    
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                        Stewie:
Mark my words, your uppance shall come.                    
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                        TV Announcer:
[Wrestling]
This truly is a momentou [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
How could you embarrass me like that? [...]                    
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                        Brian:
Why don't you shut up for about a week? 
St [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Now, I know you're a feminist, and  [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
Yo, did y'all check me when that ho [...]                    
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                        [Peter and Brian are touring the Pawtucket Brewery [...]                    
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                        Tom Tucker:
And now Channel 6 black man Ollie Will [...]                    
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                        [doorbell rings; Peter's boss, Mr. Weed, is coming [...]                    
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                        School Choir:
[Silent Night]
Die Hard... Die Hard. [...]                    
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                        Randy Savage:
I must be in Quahog, cause all I see [...]                    
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                        British Airman:
Now let's get this mission over wi [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
They covered the house in micro-fil [...]                    
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                        Trica Takanowa:
I'm standing here in Boston Airpor [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
I wanna get Barbara a really nice g [...]                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
Baby, if I could rearrange the alph [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
People make up lies all the time. Y [...]                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Is someone there? I thought I heard  [...]                    
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                        [Stewie reads a card and discovers his name writte [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
You shot me in both my knees then s [...]                    
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                        [looking into a woman's window with binoculars whi [...]                    
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                        Trica Takanowa:
I'm standing by the Portajohns whe [...]                    
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                        Teacher:
[Lottery Numbers]
I won! I don't have to  [...]                    
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                        [the Griffins have been invited for dinner at the  [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
I love God. He's so deliciously ev [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Damn the toilet. It's made slaves  [...]                    
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                        Security System:
What is the most unappealing Male [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, you've been wearing that gian [...]                    
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                        Carter Pewterschmiidt:
[giving her a ride]
Ass, Ga [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Forecast for tomorrow; A few sprin [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
She's a whiney little runt isn't sh [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Typical male fantasy. Women drinking [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Peter doesn't always Munch-ausen my  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[Whacked in the Genitals by a Japan [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Hold on, hold on. I'm sorry, but th [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
But I thought being Gay wasn't a choi [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
When you have something to hate, you [...]                    
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                        Ms Scowly-Tightanus:
All our Husbands were Christm [...]                    
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                        Tom Tucker:
Coming up next: A story on convenientl [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
All right, as a Rich Dad I will now [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
[to Lois]
That's the plan, but don' [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin:
[singing]
We're  [...]                    
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                        [Brian is at Stewie's party. A clown holding a sod [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, Stewie peed on the carpet aga [...]                    
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                        Luke Skywalker:
Okay I'll just make a quick incisi [...]                    
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                        Man:
Say Phil, what do you say to Happy Hour after [...]                    
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                        [Meg enters the house crying]
Meg:
I'll never be  [...]                    
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                        Lois:
It's like I always tell the kids: "Quitters  [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
This was even stupider than that ti [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Hey, everybody, wait till you see th [...]                    
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                        George:
[a parody of "The Jetsons": George and Roy [...]                    
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                        [while eating a pancake]
Stewie Griffin:
Oh. Mmm, [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Do you have any past injuries, phys [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
What happens if Meg develops a coke  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Lois, our son has been blessed with [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[Brian is reading the newspaper]
L [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Dad, now that you're retired, you'r [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
Dad, what if I told you I didn't wa [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Meg, you are what is known as "A Pr [...]                    
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                        [live hurricane report]
Tom Tucker:
And now to Ol [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Thanks for listening. 
Stewie Griffi [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, I saw a really good deal on a [...]                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
No, you're not going to die! We're  [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin:
[singing]
You an [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[giving a speech running for school [...]                    
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                        Tom Tucker:
[on the phone with his wife]
Honey, I  [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[to Peter]
You. You are the worst  [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
I'm going to microwave a bagel and  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
I tried finding my talent like you  [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
I'm going to go to the bathroom. 
[ [...]                    
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                        LaDonne:
Hi, gorgeous man! 
Stewie Griffin:
Oh, yo [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Our children our greatest treasure. [...]                    
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                        Herbert:
Hey, muscly arm, why the long face? 
Chri [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
Oh. Oh, this is just my bird calls. 
 [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[is reading very loudly while intox [...]                    
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                        Gun Safety Instructor:
Remember, guns don't kill p [...]                    
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                        Death:
You can't tell anyone that I'm here. For if [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
What's wrong, Stewie, don't you wan [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lisa McDonald:
Bye, Dad. Don't wait up. 
Ronald Mc [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[Child Actor]
I'm not supposed to  [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
It'll be a good chance to get away  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Let's go and have however many beer [...]                    
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                        Mouse Vicar:
Do you like Sacramental Wine and Mous [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
[Peter's drunk in Massachusetts]
I g [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Some say Love it is a River that dr [...]                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
Tuesdays in the '80s I was always i [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Guy on Street #2:
It's 3:00. Where the hell is Lou [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
I find the toothpaste with the pump [...]                    
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                        [at a rehab center]
Peter Griffin:
YEAH. I'm also [...]                    
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                        Protestors:
Free Tibet! Free Tibet! 
Peter Griffin [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
How deliciously evil. It's like so [...]                    
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                        Stanley Tucci:
Sometimes I wear Glasses, and somet [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Smurf #1:
Yo, Smurf, that party last night was fre [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[Picking up the phone]
Hello, oper [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[shouts]
Oh, my God, Jeremy's stil [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, why would they make you presi [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Pillsbury Doughboy:
Nothing says "I Love You" quit [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
[Her sleeping pills have been switche [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Angry Man:
Oh great, I always end up sitting next  [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Bob Ross:
All right, we are going to use a fan bru [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
All right, I'll talk to him, Lois.  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[bringing Stewie back from the Mate [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [Chris jumps on Peter's lap]
Chris Griffin:
Dad,  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
If I'm a child, you know what that  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Albino:
The Moon is my Sun. I like to kill beetles [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Englishman #1:
I say, you know what's really funny [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Good Peter:
Hey sorry, man, am I late? What did I  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Guard:
Hey Sarge, your wife called and said it was [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Hello? 
Peter Griffin:
Lois? I can't [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
[Heaven]
Look at us! Who'd have tho [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Oh, I am so alone!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Damn you! Damn the broccoli! Damn  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        European See and Say:
The Pig goes WANK! The Cow g [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Right Meg, I have here the eight ho [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
This is how women dance when they're [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Glen Quagmire:
All those biopics are the same! Uns [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [Stewie builds a dish]
Stewie Griffin:
[evil laug [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lord Baden-Powell:
I'd like to take your son out i [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
}: It's just like Special K. But wh [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
What, you're just going to leave m [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Tom Tucker:
All right, question number one. Would  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Son, we're going to get you back in [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [the Millennium Bug has just hit, causing planes t [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie:
I was under the impression the name of the [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
I've been to New York. It's like Pr [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
Mom, you can't get a job. The last ti [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Chris:
I haven't been this confused since the endi [...]                    
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                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, it's just a phase. You've gon [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[hitting on some co-eds]
I must sa [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        GPS System:
Turn left at fork in road... in native [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [they are eating Trisha]
Tom Tucker:
Mmm. Diane c [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [showing his crotch to Peter]
Glen Quagmire:
Does [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Lois, I can't find my favorite pair [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [the family is planning a vacation]
Peter Griffin [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
If I choose to make stool in my pa [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Chris is not as smart as you think  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Damn you, vile woman!                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Oh, boy! I remember my first job. I [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Bad Peter:
Lie to her. It's okay to lie to women.  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Meg:
I cant believe my stupid parents are going to [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Quagmire:
Peter, I can remember a dozen times when [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Army Captain:
[while trying to take over Peteoria] [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Jim:
What did you just call me? 
Huck Griffin:
I t [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Yeah which is more than we got from [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[on his Death Bed]
Chris! Underage. [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Stewie, why don't you go play in the [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
I never knew anyone who went crazy  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        [looking at whales]
Chris Griffin:
Dad, what's th [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Is Unobtainium difficult to Obtain?                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[Xmas Photo]
Yes, from now on I sh [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
No, Peter. Martin Luther King. 
Pet [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Brian, tape this for me. 
Brian Gri [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Blast I thought I had more time. K [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
We know the problem, we're all depr [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
The breakfast thing. Yes. It wasn' [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Hmm, you could threaten me...                    
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                        [a parody of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Teacher:
Page two of the three page book on how to [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [repeated line]
Peter Griffin:
Holy crap!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [repeated line]
Vern:
Play me off, Johnny!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Tom Tucker:
Coming up next: Can bees think? A new  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Ida:
[Quagmire's Sex Doll Tea Party]
I wish I'd gi [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
I'm off to look at books filled wi [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Waitress:
Here you go, fella. From Flappy himself. [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        PTSD 'Nam Vet:
I've seen some things, man, and som [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Damn you all!                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Chris Griffin:
Oh, my God, the Government's here!  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Hey, Clevemire! 
Glen Quagmire:
Tha [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        [Stewie is about to be given an injection against  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Peter:
To you she may be worth a million dollars.  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Teacher:
In French, to say yes you say oui-oui. 
[ [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        [Quagmire tries to hit on some women at a lesbian  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Well, I took a lot of Ecstasy in my [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Oh, I hate these high-pressure sales [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Adam West:
[after killing a Noid that ruined most  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Ah, my Grundle!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Up! Stewie wants to go uppie! Mmm, [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Judge:
I find you guilty of arson, so you are free [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Boy:
Your Mom seems nice. 
Stewie Griffin:
She's a [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Boy:
You must be Chris. 
Chris Griffin:
I must?                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Old Timey Policeman:
Don't worry, everything's und [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
When the World is mine, your death [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Am I to spend the entire day wallo [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Peter Griffin:
And this is where the Pilgrims land [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
I didn't give those porn magazines  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
What's Lois doing with Ross Fishman [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Lois, if this is your idea of a jok [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
We all know that no woman anywhere  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
That boy was Indian and 11! Where  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
And that's the story of the Christm [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
I'm yer other son, Micawber!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
They look at me and see a loser. Ex [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[trying to get Brian's attention]
 [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Glen Quagmire's Mom:
Here now, have milk. 
[shows  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
Mum's Voodoo Doll? Throw! It's never  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Shelly:
I'll have the es-cargott and a chabliss. 
 [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Brian and Chris try to sneak into a fair by weari [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Silver-Suited 1950s Spaceman:
How's the soil, Prof [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[in a Southern accent]
Warm out to [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [during a fishing trip]
Peter Griffin:
Man, some  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
I made flag girl! 
Stewie Griffin:
Oh [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Brian, could you pass the TV Guide?  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Cleveland:
Die in Hell, terrorist!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Peter! 
Peter Griffin:
Um... Lee Maj [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Yes, I rather like this God fellow [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
She's my Mother! We're supposed to [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[Whispering behind Lois' back]
Whe [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Thanks for the ride, and your unsoli [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
[AA Meeting]
Are we allowed to have [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Excuse me, is your refrigerator run [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [repeated line]
Glen Quagmire:
Giggidy-giggidy-gi [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Chris Griffin:
Ah, hoist by my own petard...                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Oh, and sorry about that comment ea [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Tooth #1:
I claim this mouth in the name of inciso [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Hanson has showed up, asking to use the phone]
P [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Carter Pewterschmidt:
People of France, may I have [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Chris, are you going to kill yoursel [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
...squirl...                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
You all know how observant I am. 
T [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Lois you know my rule, You are only [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Chris where have you been? 
Chris Gr [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
What's going on? 
Stewie Griffin:
We [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [after Peter tells Lois an outlandish story]
Bria [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[Congress]
What you're forgetting i [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
This party couldn't be better if Je [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Brian watches Nova]
Man on Nova:
After years of  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
You knocked up my Mom and never cal [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Oh, forgive me for not being one o [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
[on Meg's shoulders]
Just a little h [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Tom Tucker:
I think I speak for everyone when I sa [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Bruce:
I live in the incongrously purple house on  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [after having sex]
Social Worker:
Glen, honey. Ca [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Nothing else has worked this far /  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Peter has gotten liposuction]
Stewie:
My god, it [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Lois, come see what I did with the  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
...Teapot Dome Scandal...                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Glen Quagmire:
Fat chicks need lovin too, but they [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Glen Quagmire:
[book club]
I know you're very well [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Doctor:
I don't like you, because you're poor.                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
So, Stewie, how do you feel now tha [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, where the hell have you been? [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
Mom! 
Chris Griffin:
Hahahaha! Nipple [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Darren (On Bewitched):
The power of Christ compels [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[Stewie looks into the mirror afte [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
You didn't love me. It was my cook [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Gene Simmons:
Someone kidnapped Santa? That does n [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Boo Lois, yeah beer!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
I'm sorry that Stewie ruined your bo [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
If you want to learn more about Dr [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Travolta:
We have reached Cruising Altitude, so yo [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Guy in chicken costume:
The world is gonna end at  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Tom Tucker:
Coming up next: Diane's weight.                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[controlling a robot Peter]
Blast, [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Police Scanner:
We have a gang shooting on Third a [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [we see a flashback of Stewie with a normal, round [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Oh, I hate it when your mother worr [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Cleveland:
That tickles me in a way where, if Lore [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Hold on, I'll be with you in a mom [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Chris Griffin:
I'm so hungry I could ride a horse! [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[throwing his arms up in the air wh [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Glen Quagmire:
What? Fat women need love too. But  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Diet Institute Worker:
Sir, you can't park your va [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
I haven't got a clue what he's tal [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Meg walks in on Quagmire with a hooker]
Glen Qua [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [watching the sunset]
Lois Griffin:
Oh, Peter, I  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
I'd like to propose a toast to our  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Colleague:
You must like working here, it must be  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Tinder makes you Gross.                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
[Time Travel]
It's so great to meet [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Maybe it's because I can recite all [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
You're not fat, Chris, you just com [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[after Brian cries hysterically]
I [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
I was making radio shows for fun!  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Sign:
The Helen Disingenuous Show                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[flu-ridden]
DO I SOUND SEXY? Tell  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Don't be an Instigator!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
God, England sucks now.                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
I'll put it on MySpace, with a loa [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
[to Peter]
Hey there, Sweetie! I got [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
Oh, my god, that was hilarious! 
Lo [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Toy Designer:
I've just finished the new line of G [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
I'm just poking at your funny bone.                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[Lois is away, trash is piling up] [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
What's she going to do, ground us? [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[Pregnant, getting heckled]
Well,  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Greased-Up Deaf Guy:
Yes, I'm Greased-Up and, yes, [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [a grim, hooded wraith with a scythe approaches Pe [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Laika:
Joke on them! I find Happy Dog Planet! In 5 [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Guy humour, Meg! If you don't got a [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
[talking to Chris]
We'll continue th [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Hooker:
Hey 
Lois Griffin:
Peter, there's a hooker [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Jennifer Love Hewitt:
I can't believe you ordered  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
If you could be stranded on a deser [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Peter is watching a movie]
Brian Griffin:
[walks [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Igor:
Wait, you had the Secret to Creating Life, a [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Peter is watching a pornographic video]
Woman on [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Jennifer Love Hewitt is on a date with Peter, and [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
For God's sake, shake me. Shake me [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
You know, the last time I saw you, [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Well, I've watched every Youtube Vi [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Cleveland:
I have dibs on whatever silliness Peter [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[to a masseuse]
Sh, sh, sh, no con [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
I like the Madness of King George.  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Pee-Hole Skin Frontman:
Ungh! Feelings! Ungh! Feel [...]                    
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                        Aimee Mann:
[Brian's at the Planetarium]
One is th [...]                    
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                        [Peter is trying to potty-train Stewie]
Peter Gri [...]                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
[British]
Goobledy-goobledy glop!                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
I'm not leaving until I kiss someo [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
[driving around with Quagmire, sees [...]                    
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                        [Stewie and Brian are trying to sleep in a motel,  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
That's about as funny as Sinbad. No [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
You should invent the frisbee! The  [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
Everything in my head is screaming!                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Brian, why does everything you tou [...]                    
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                        [Quagmire is talking to a woman from New York]
Gl [...]                    
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                        Diane Simmons:
And in entertainment, Mary Tyler Mo [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[Madlibs]
Oh, how ruthlessly absur [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
Hi, my name is Chris. Mom and dad s [...]                    
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                        Bad Cockroach:
Man, I'm going to cut you up so bad [...]                    
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                        Jaws:
Hey. I'm gonna eat 'cha. I'm gonna eat that  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
This is even worse then when we wen [...]                    
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                        Joe Swanson:
[motivating Bonnie on a running machi [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Her Womb was like one of those Han [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        [repeated line]
James Woods:
Oooh, a piece of can [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Police Officer:
Hey. That's Against the law. You'r [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Teacher:
In short, your kids are doing fine. Keep  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Chris Griffin:
Are we there yet? 
Lois Griffin:
No [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Joe, I've had new neighbors before  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Please leave a message after the Bl [...]                    
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                        Priest:
You may kiss the Bride. 
Peter Griffin:
Ki [...]                    
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                        Interviewer:
[Peter is at a job interview]
So, Pet [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[trying to console Cleveland at aud [...]                    
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                        Stewie:
Hidden missile behind the Great Wall? Anci [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Make sure there's a fresh copy of  [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Hey, where's my VCR? 
Hillbilly #1: [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        [observing Brian at a dog race]
Carter Pewterschm [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[Large Plume]
Marital Woes continue [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
[being Pimped]
Daddy Peter! She wan [...]                    
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                        [Peter is receiving communion]
Peter Griffin:
Wow [...]                    
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                        Psychiatrist:
Does Stewie have a history of violen [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
You should go with him. This will be  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Ha ha ha ha! You just said "nuclear [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Joe Swanson:
At least I can do this: 
[singing]
J [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Lois, are you high? 
Lois Griffin:
 [...]                    
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                        Danskafraulein:
I miss our Stolen Son in America.  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
We're going to grandpa Griffin's re [...]                    
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                        Father:
As we say in Ireland, let's drink until th [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
The life of the wife is ended by t [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
I think I'm dying. Jane Fonda. Is t [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
You. Fetch me my copy of the Wall  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, did you take care of that...  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Lois, is a President stronger than  [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
Hey dad, look. I put honey on my ba [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Tom Tucker:
And now, here's Ollie Williams, with t [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Hi, I'm Peter Griffin. You know, pe [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
[referring to Peter]
This from a man [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Meg:
Chris, quit it! Mom, Chris put his foot on my [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Adam West:
[after hearing Peter, Joe, Quagmire, an [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Joe Swanson:
When you lose one ability your other  [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Max Weinstein:
Hello. My car broke down. Can I use [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Only one thing left to do: get drun [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
Yeah, why are we here in this bomb sh [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
I feel you, Meg. 
Meg Griffin:
Shut  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
We're officially on welfare. Come o [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Quagmire:
Here's to the Drunken Clam, boys. Where  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Chris Griffin:
Hey Meg, I'm thinking of a word, an [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [Adam West is trying to win a promotion for Pawtuc [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
I'm a Calico and my name is Humphr [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
So, what do you think of this "Mus [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
Well, Peter, if you pull a party ou [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        [trying to get a Scout Merit Badge]
Chris Griffin [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
Do you listen to yourself when you  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [Stewie taunts a girl who has fallen down a well]
 [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Make like Siamese twins and split.. [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Joe Swanson:
Pumpkin Spice! Sounds like a reject f [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
On the way home he poisoned me with [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Adam West:
I love this job more than I love taffy, [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
I wonder what Scooby and the gang a [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Why the hell did we get off here?  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Les Miserables Grape:
Ah, there's a foot...                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
It is my duty as a Bad Father to pr [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[He's Romeo. He makes the Universal [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
I finally get my driver's license and [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Doctor Hartman:
Shut up! Be cool, be cool! 
[Hides [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Don't you know about the Bird? Ever [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
That's it, I'm going to quit Writin [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Hey, Chris! Whatcha doing? 
Chris G [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [Brian is sitting next to a woman, panting]
Woman [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Huh, I wonder what Scooby and the g [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[as a swim coach]
Great workout, Bo [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [a fat Stewie is sitting on the porch]
Stewie Gri [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
You know, Lois, I'm really not comf [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [to Stewie, at Christmastime]
Chris Griffin:
Here [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Chris Griffin:
WAAAH! Ah, my Morning Scream...                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Well, good riddance Christian Camp!  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Jasper:
So! Do you like "Sex and the City"? 
Brian [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'l [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Nothing worse than a case of the N [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Chris Griffin:
Hey dad, you didn't tell us how we  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[on Bill Cosby]
I was so busy not s [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
I warn you, if you kill me the Inte [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[Peter is upset, Stewie is trying  [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
[reading]
And it turned out that th [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
[laughing]
Ms. Romano:
Damn it Jul [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Christmas is the time of year when  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Police Officer:
Read him his Rights! 
Peter Griffi [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Salesman:
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin. Now, I know [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[slurring, drunk]
This comedian suc [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
If I'm a child, that means you're a [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Tom Tucker:
We'll return with a report on the clit [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        David Lynch:
[How the Lynch Stole Christmas]
In th [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Soooo Broccoli, mother says you're [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
He brought his Mom to the Oscars. T [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Glen Quagmire:
HEY GET THE HELL OFF MY... well hel [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        UPS Woman:
I've got a package for Glen Quagmire. 
 [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Wow, I'm even better than that dad  [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
Turn it, Chris. I want to watch Georg [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Son, this is a big day for you. Tod [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        [Peter saw Lois in a coffee shop talking with her  [...]                    
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                        [Peter has bought an sexy version of a relationshi [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Mr Vanderploog:
Don't be sad, Peter! That's why it [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [a social worker is trying to take Stewie away bec [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Olivia:
Check out the Asian Businessman! 
Stewie G [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
[Elton John's Co-writer]
I'm not Ga [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Ha ha. Oh, this is so good it just [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Doctor:
Mayor West, I'm afraid you have lymphoma.  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Mort Goldman:
We've been watching The Wizard of Oz [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Do these huggies make my ass look  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
[irate after being replaced on a Grif [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
It's our Bookclub, Peter! Come join  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Brian, you've really been enjoying y [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Tom Tucker:
Coming up next: Watch me shave.                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
I guess anything's better than look [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Man on TV:
Hey! Hey! Get that 
[beep]
Man on TV:
 [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Joe Swanson:
After my accident the Doctor told me  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[to youth cult]
Hey guys, you want  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Chris:
Why should I bring a gift if you're just go [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
What if Kurt Cobain had quit? 
[Fla [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
What's the point of drugs if you don [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Cleveland:
You mean you're just erasing cop-weiner [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Glen Quagmire:
Can't we for once tell a joke that  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Brian has just peed on a Supermarket floor]
Pete [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[looking at a picture of Jesus]
Lo [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[a Past Generation of the friends i [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Yea and God said to Abraham, "You  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[Dancing to Axel F]
Neh-neh neh neh [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
Dad, if I don't get my driver's licen [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, you brought this on yourself  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Hey! Look at this 
[bow tie spins  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Peter's new car has an electronic navigator with  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [the Griffins have inherited a mansion. Stewie is  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [hitting on a girl waiting in line for a roller co [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
It's OK, Meg. Your mom is full of C [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Glen Quagmire:
[Wakes Up, there's a Note]
Right, n [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[Farts into his Shazam App]
It says [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Andre the Giant:
[to Wallace Shawn, at Dinner]
I h [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
Chris, change the channel. I want to  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Hi. I'm in the other room and I'm t [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Chris, everything I say is a lie. E [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [the Griffins watch "Happy Days"]
Richie:
Mom, uh [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Any problem caused by a tank can be [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Mort Goldman:
Muriel was so much better at overcha [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Anthony Robbins:
I'm coming, Broken People!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[opening drawer]
Hey, Lois, there's [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Uh, hi. We're here to see the Dean. [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
C'mon, I wanna show you something th [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Glen Quagmire:
Hi, Meg. Eighteen yet? 
Meg Griffin [...]                    
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                        Machine:
You have 113 new messages 
[Phone starts  [...]                    
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                        Star Wars Rebel Fighter:
Why are you always mean t [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
As you know, it is my dream to reti [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
Do you have a bathroom? 
President  [...]                    
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                        Adam West:
Damnit, Swanson, I want them found! 
Jo [...]                    
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                        Li:
Stewie, come complete our rainbow. 
Stewie Gri [...]                    
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                        [Death holds up a document that Peter doctored to  [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
Mom, can I be excused from the tabl [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
My therapist thinks I'm in love. 
P [...]                    
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                        Tom Tucker Snr:
More and more women are working ou [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
I would follow this man into the v [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[Gary Numan]
Brian had sex! With a [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
God's watching me do number two? Oh [...]                    
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                        Cleveland:
A Red Balloon tied to a Mailbox is the  [...]                    
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                        [Stewie is resting while Brian is licking his crot [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Hey, what's your friend's name? 
Al [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
I can't really think thoughts no mo [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
It's called Guillermo's Paradox. 
C [...]                    
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                        Old Woman:
Aw, look at you! I bet you're hungry. 
 [...]                    
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                        Jiminy Cricket:
Hello, Peter! I'm your Conscience! [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
[reading]
And it turned out that th [...]                    
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                        Joe Swanson:
Hey, Pat, where's the wheelchair ramp [...]                    
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                        Preacher:
"Love thy neighbour as thyself". People  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Wow, it'll be just like that show " [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, I care as much about the size [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Hey, Brian, remember me? I'm the g [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
I don't need to $@%# impress you.                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
We didn't get this pamphlet when Meg [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Looks out curtain at Lois, who's si [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Well, I'd love to stay and chat, b [...]                    
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                        Doctor:
A child incapable of behaving to the satis [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Man, this is a great show. They dra [...]                    
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                        Guy in Chicken Suit:
Enjoy your chicken sandwich.  [...]                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
Hey, Lois, wanna go out? 
Lois Grif [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
You remember that time I was suppos [...]                    
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                        Young Peter Griffin:
Why did all the dinosaurs die [...]                    
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                        [Charles Lindbugh has just accidentally flushed hi [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
Peter, did you read the fine print  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
They let Sarah Jessica Parker's fac [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
See, my dad's smarter than yours. 
 [...]                    
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                        [a police officer pulls Peter over in his car]
Po [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
Peter, being a hero is just being s [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
I'm going to jump off this building [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Any problem caused by a tank can be [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
What the hell is this? 
Lois Griff [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Voice control... Hi, I'm Chris. 
C [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[to bully]
I've worked out why you [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Damn it! I want pancakes! God! You [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, there's a naked man on this c [...]                    
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                        [after Stewie gets taken into an ethnically divers [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Buttscratcher?                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
[to self]
You wanted to have a famil [...]                    
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                        Jesus:
[talking about a gun]
You know how to use o [...]                    
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                        Brian:
Peter, this is the final plague. 
Peter:
Go [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[naked and drunk at a wine tasting] [...]                    
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                        [during a company sexual harassment training video [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
We're going to Vape! 
Peter Griffin: [...]                    
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                        TV Announcer:
[Teen Choice Awards]
Your host, Tank [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
You could kill all the girls who are  [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
[Phone]
Oh hi, Bonnie! No I'm not do [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
So he just left without saying anyth [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[posing as Britney Spears]
How abou [...]                    
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                        [Peter has plastic surgery]
Brian Griffin:
Hey, p [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
[appalled by the students being stu [...]                    
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                        Quagmire:
[walks between two women]
sorry, I didnt [...]                    
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                        [Stewie and Brian in the mall]
Stewie Griffin:
10 [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
I'm leaving, Rupert! I'm sorry, bu [...]                    
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                        [at a job interview]
Interviewer:
So where do you [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
Can you please teach me how to drive? [...]                    
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                        Kevin:
Could you hold my phone and point it at me? [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
[Biblical Times]
You should go over [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[In a Beauty Pageant]
Oh well, I g [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
I say mother, this hotdog has been [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
Mom, there's no way I'm sleeping in C [...]                    
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                        Tumbling Class Parent:
Boys can be good at this un [...]                    
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                        [Family is talking about Peter's Drinking problem] [...]                    
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                        Doctor:
The Surgery was a Success, by which I mean [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Brian Griffin:
Come on, I'll show the channel Lois [...]                    
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                        [Family is sitting at Table. After Apocalypse. Eat [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
I'm going to give you a Sylvia Plath [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
Do you ever just think "God, I'm Ma [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
That's the deal you make with the G [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
What do you expect me to do with al [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
But there you go. Everybody likes t [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
My therapist said we should try a tr [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
So if I walk through you, does that [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
All right, here's my one-man show,  [...]                    
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                        Swede:
Ooooh! Blackensippen!                    
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                        Ma Walton:
Goodnight, Jim-Bob! Goodnight, Jim-Bob? [...]                    
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                        [Brian tries to distract an angry mob of rednecks] [...]                    
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                        Susan Sarandon:
I'm Susan Sarandon. You might know [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
I mean, what kind of a man would I [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[Peter enters Meg's classroom weari [...]                    
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                        Tom Tucker:
In local news, a Buddy Cianci High Sch [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
At least they don't put their femin [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
Chris! You're hogging all the fans! 
 [...]                    
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                        [Peter and Chris are dressed in grass skirts]
Pet [...]                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
[to feminist woman]
The plight of w [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
If I had a hole in my neck, I'd put [...]                    
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                        Cult Leader:
Are you a confused adolescent despera [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Like when the Fat Man worked out h [...]                    
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                        Death's Mother:
Put on a jacket or you'll get fros [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Oh, let me guess. Another box with [...]                    
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                        Joe Swanson:
I broke Gandalf. 
Glen Quagmire:
It's [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Cleveland:
[Therapist]
I'm going to need more Twee [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        [upon learning that Meg is dating a nudist]
Lois  [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Glen Quagmire:
I used to bone that Volleyball.                    
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                | 
                    
                        Chris Griffin:
All right, dad! Fight the machine!  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Stewie Griffin:
At least I'll die mildly clever.                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[shouts]
Rock lobster!                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Jenny:
Now that I have contracted the most infecti [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Mom! Mommy! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mom!  [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
Well, if you want to be a hero righ [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
I'm coming, Balloon!                    
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                        Brian:
Hey, if every woman dumped her husband for  [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
Where do you think you go when you  [...]                    
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                        Bonnie Swanson:
Yeah, I don't want to bring a baby [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        [Peter is watching a beer commercial]
Announcer:
 [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
Dad, can you help me with my math h [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
[shimmies around]
Remember this? Rem [...]                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
Don't look at me like that. Fat chi [...]                    
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                        Cleveland:
You can stay with us, Meg, I just hope  [...]                    
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                        [Lois is washing Stewie's hair in the sink]
Stewi [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Don't try to pawn this off on your s [...]                    
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                        Joe Swanson:
[siren wails]
Peter Griffin, we know  [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        [looking around at a posh rehab clinic]
Peter Gri [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Lois Griffin:
You all think Christmas just happens [...]                    
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                        Joe Swanson:
Peter, it's over. 
Peter Griffin:
Ove [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
I'd sell my soul to be famous. 
[cu [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[in Sunday School with several chil [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Glen Quagmire:
All I really know, is that I'm wear [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Anyone wearing a nightgown at 2pm  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
So you just do anything Oprah says, [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[doing the laundry]
Hey, where's my [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Glen Quagmire:
Stop shaming us for not knowing the [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Congressman:
Cigarettes killed my father... and ra [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Doctor:
Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine. 
Peter [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
If I wasn't so sure you were a lesb [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                        Stewie:
HA! That's so funny I forgot to laugh! Exc [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Meg... is that a real Prada bag? How [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Mr. Fargas:
Today, we are going to dissect... a cl [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Chris Griffin:
Are you and dad going to get a divo [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
Cheesy Charlie's is great. They hav [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        [the audience cheered and applause]
Lois Griffin: [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom [...]                    
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                        [Stewie's bath turns to blood]
Stewie Griffin:
Ho [...]                    
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                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Chris Griffin:
I don't have to listen to you! You' [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[as Tom Hanks from Castaway, talkin [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
She packed my bags. Last night pre [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Woman on Tape:
We're going to add... 
[tape interr [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Don't worry Quagmire, it's cool! Th [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[Peter's letter to Fox about "Coach [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Brothers and sisters fighting is as [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
The port is quite good. 
Brian Gri [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Chris Griffin:
Yay! Now I can be one of those filt [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
I'm too good for this Family, they [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
1 million dollars! 
Lois Griffin:
B [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [during a romantic dinner]
Lois Griffin:
[seducti [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        [Peter calls in sick to work]
Peter Griffin:
Mr W [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
You know Mommy wouldn't usually inva [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[drunk, to male coworker]
Why don't [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        God:
Let me light that for you, honey. 
[he points [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Establishment, establishment, you  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                        [to Brian]
Stewie Griffin:
How you uh, how you co [...]                    
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                        Chris Griffin:
Then that is what I shall do, unles [...]                    
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                        [watching a baseball game]
Stewie Griffin:
Why do [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
I have no son! Except for Stewie... [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Chris, that's a terrible word. Nippl [...]                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
[Quagmire slowly peeks out at Meg's [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Oh, I must give you my e-mail addr [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
I'm really enjoying playing golf. 
 [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Can I see Mommy now? 
British Nann [...]                    
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                        Stewie:
Look at him. He runs like a Welshman. Does [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[singing to Lois]
Lois, you can't s [...]                    
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                        Brandi:
John Lennon said that Love is the answer.  [...]                    
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                        [waiting in line for bathroom after drinking prune [...]                    
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                        Glen Quagmire:
I felt guilty once, but she woke up [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Mother, life is like a box of choc [...]                    
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                        Frenchman:
Bonnie, if I were a skunk and you were  [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
As Mr H L Mencken said, The Common  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Yes! We won the Lottery! I'm going  [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[looking in the fridge for a drink [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[Radio]
Carlos Spicyweiner here?                    
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                        John Edward:
[Peter is in the audience of "Crossin [...]                    
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                        TV Announcer:
And now from the makers of Paranorma [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Tom Tucker:
Now let's go to Greg The Weather Mime. [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[Bar burned down]
We need to find a [...]                    
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                        [in a turtle-shaped pool float]
Stewie:
My God, I [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
Wow, she's really all in on this de [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
We don't know how to end these any  [...]                    
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                        [while Peter is changing Stewie]
Stewie:
No, you  [...]                    
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                        European See and Say:
The Elephant goes FWOMPF! 
S [...]                    
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                        Tom Tucker:
This is Tom Tucker... 's evil twin Tod [...]                    
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                        Gay Dog:
Hey! You guys got any cheese doodles? 
[h [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
A Flautist, Peter!                    
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                        [Peter makes a joke during a Christmas play]
Spec [...]                    
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                        [the Griffins are being relocated to the South]
P [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Someone's left the Fridge Door ope [...]                    
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                        Baliff:
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Hey, Mort, do these suppositories c [...]                    
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                        Dennis Miller:
I don't want to go on a rant, here, [...]                    
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                        [an extremely obese Peter and Brian are sitting on [...]                    
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                        Stewie:
[plucks a banjo]
Oh! I feel so delightfull [...]                    
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                        Carter Pewterschmiidt:
Gentlemen, this is Peter, t [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Wow, Louis CK? 
Louis CK:
Yes. 
Pet [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Why don't you take Joe caroling? 
Pe [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
I bet I laugh so hard I shoot milk  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Could you sign this book please. 
T [...]                    
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                        Teacher:
Excuse me, I'm just going to put on this  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Brian Griffin:
So when did you start using Invisal [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Peter Griffin:
The Great Gatsby! A book written by [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Peter Griffin:
I haven't cleaned since Bounty drop [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[to Dying Therapist]
Sorry, this f [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Leave it to me, I read a book about [...]                    
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                        Brian:
You recently returned from the Philippines. [...]                    
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                        Cleveland:
And that's how my Mom died! 
[All laugh [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
Guess what I am. 
Stewie Griffin:
Hmm [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
You, cameraman! Make sure you use  [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
I'm just a dog, Lois. A stupid dog. [...]                    
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                        Rev Robertson:
We're still here! How come we weren [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Brian Griffin:
Peter, only one gift was for charit [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Disabled Man:
[electronic voice]
That was pathetic [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Joe Biden:
Thanks for Shooting the Guy we said was [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Chris Griffin:
Hey, mom, look at these bananas. 
P [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
I think your father's Gay. 
Glen Qu [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
Peter, are you sure, you've never h [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
You gonna go out into the Country  [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
To hell with the cameras! How could  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        [on being the First Lady of "Petoria"]
Lois Griff [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Cleveland:
Oh Quagmire, you are what the Spanish c [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        [Brian Singing to Stewie]
Brian Griffin:
I'll bet [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Lois told me to clean the windows,  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Step aside, its time for me to do m [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
I won a Chainsaw! Some lady at the  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Brian Griffin:
I've done worse. I replaced Peter's [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Lois Griffin:
This can be a great opportunity for  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                        Death:
I'm gonna need that picture of Olmos' 
[Edw [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Lois, the bar has been taken over b [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, you're drunk again. 
Peter Gr [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
So how was your day? 
Brian Griffin: [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Well, fine. Until you put 'Gumbel 2 [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[Spiritual Journey]
Yeah, I'm Eat, [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
It's probably just the Pizza talkin [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[Peter has taken a hose to the stai [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
I've been watching television so mu [...]                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois:
You see Meg, I'm like one of those Bald eagl [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Glen, I need your help. 
Glen Quagmi [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[thinks]
How wonderful it will be  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Meg Griffin:
You could kill all the girls who are  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Jeffrey. Take the 4.20 from Hounsl [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire are forming a [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Peter is visting Willy Wonka's chocolate factory] [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter:
Ah, Los Angeles! Everything's big, everythi [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
NOOOOOO. Silly rabbit, Trix are for [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        German Storyteller:
There once was a little boy wh [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Well, Brian a Son! But he's 14 yea [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Hey, camera guy. Check this out. 
[ [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Well, I wrote in to Penthouse Forum [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Peter has just been offered a directing job, and  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Old Man:
Griffin, are you defecating right now? 
P [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Mother, as first lady of the Ameri [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Lois, When I'm through with them, o [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[to Peter]
When the world is mine, [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
9/11 was bad! 9... 11!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
I went to the Fancington's Academy f [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[Rehab Counsellor]
First off, to sa [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Kevin:
Dad, the fish got away. 
Joe Swanson:
The h [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [watching The Brady Bunch]
Dad:
Greg, I'm afraid  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
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                | 
                    
                        [the eggs in Peter's beard have just hatched]
Pet [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[accidently rips off the tail of B [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
OK, Rupert, what do you think of o [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Dying Gay Therapist:
It's from Romeo and Juliet! B [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Hey, let's play a game called "I ne [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Peter with Charles Manson and the Manson Family]
 [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        [Shamus has four wooden limbs]
Glen Quagmire:
So, [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
There is no Peter, only Zool!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, you've never done anything cr [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Brian and Peter are putting a crib together]
Bri [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Okay, I got it, I got it. If you c [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
We'll continue this discussion tonig [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[to his grandmother]
I smell death [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [during the preview for the new action movie about [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Rising Stars Instructor:
Look, it's your first mar [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [the Jetsons parody]
Jane:
Oh my God. George. 
Ge [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Janet:
Hi. Cookie? 
Stewie Griffin:
Well, it's Ste [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Chris hunts Meg with a "bogger" on his finger and [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Ah, it's a Mustache kind of morning [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
I was left to die!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Optician:
I recommend these frames. They were made [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
I only drank so that the Statue Of  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
This isn't the first time my small [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [watching a news report about Peter's old teacher  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Carter Pewterschmidt:
Babs is in the Sanatorium. I [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[talking to a very old prostitute] [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Caillou:
Dad, why are we sitting on the washing ma [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Why are you here? The doctor said Pe [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Ah, you bastard, you'll burn in he [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        [Brian is working as a guide dog and has taken a b [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Hello, 1950s Doctor. My friends her [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Crackle:
Those freakin' elves, man. They just came [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Oh, okay, here's another riddle. A  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
You know, some people think that da [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
Ah, the World of Books! "Horton he [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
You know what might be a thrill for [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[as a Princess]
This is great. I de [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Disabled Man:
[with electronic voice]
A sphincter  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, did you paste a new picture o [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
Excuse me, would you like to taste  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Pablo:
Santa can't be Asian. He doesn't drive 20 m [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
It's not that I want to kill Lois. [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
Norwegians can't Dance!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Brian, there's a message in my Alph [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Bully:
We're four boys and you're one boy, so we'r [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie Griffin:
[pointing a mind-control device at [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[Shatner Q&A]
In the Episode where  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Stewie:
[talking over speaker]
Welcome Man in Whit [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        William Shatner:
Now men, we are about to go on a  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Black Knight:
Hey, what's your fat ass doing here? [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Brian Griffin:
Face it Peter, you get competitive  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Quiet, sweetie. Men are talking.                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Tom Tucker:
And the winning theme for the Harvest  [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Meg wants me to give her a bunch of [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Diane Simmons:
Our suspect may look something like [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Glen Quagmire:
Don't have kids, Joan, it's a big m [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
Yeah, I'm looking for some toilet t [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
[Forrest Gump]
Mama always said Lif [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
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                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Peter Griffin:
And as you barrel down the Freeway, [...]                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
                | 
                    
                        Doctor Hartman:
I used to work here, you know!                    
                 | 
                
                
                    D
                    
                 | 
            
                    
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                        Coach:
Ah, thirty years of smoking and I'm still a [...]                    
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                        Woman Running Rehab Clinic:
What's your name? 
Pet [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
Mom! Mom! Chris found a jar in the ba [...]                    
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                        ["Hollywood Squares" parody]
Contestant:
I'll tak [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
Can I be in the play, Mom? 
Stewie Gr [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Now, let's drink until we uncover r [...]                    
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                        Peter:
...and there's no way I'm going in the back [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
You look like Snoopy and it makes  [...]                    
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                        [at Peter's imaginary version of Cheesy Charlie's] [...]                    
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                        Arnie:
Every second I'm not having sex with a hous [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Say, what happened to the car wash  [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
Me? I like the sauce...                    
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                        [repeated line]
Stewie Griffin:
Good Lord!                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Peter, punish Chris. 
Peter Griffin: [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[Abandoned at the Playground]
Well [...]                    
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                        [on the phone]
Chris Griffin:
So, what are you we [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
Somebody's in the closet! 
Jeff Foxwo [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
I did not care for The Godfather. I [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[Peter writing a letter to Fox]
If  [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[during a camping trip in a beautif [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
She said a swear!                    
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                        Quagmire:
Hello there, cutie. How old are you? 
Gi [...]                    
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                        [repeated line]
Stewie:
What the deuce?                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
Why the hell did we get off here?  [...]                    
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                        Brian:
Peter, your excuses are lamer than FDR's le [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[while peeing into a urinal]
Fire!  [...]                    
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                        [looking at himself in a spoon]
Tom Tucker:
I'm s [...]                    
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                        Meg Griffin:
I love you, Mom! 
Lois Griffin:
I 
[i [...]                    
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                        Judge:
Mr. Griffin, we have undisputable evidence  [...]                    
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                        [Peter is watching "Happy Days". Someone tries to  [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[after Lois tries to feed Stewie h [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
The ol' alma matter. I tell you, th [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Since I took over as President our  [...]                    
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                        Brian Griffin:
Ah, if my memory serves me, this is [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Okay, Doc, let's give her some pill [...]                    
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                        Joe Swanson:
I hate to be the bearer of bad shoes  [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
[singing and pointing to rifle and [...]                    
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                        [Peter and his friends have formed a rock band and [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
I know this guy who sells pills th [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
This day started off so great! I w [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
Growing one carrot, taking up time./ [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Well, they live in a crummy neighbo [...]                    
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                        [Peter is talking in his sleep]
Peter Griffin:
Oh [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
You do me an honour, lieutenant, b [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[singing]
Lois makes me take the ra [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
And now for "The Great Gatsby", a b [...]                    
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                        Carter Pewterschmiidt:
Peter, I see you're still f [...]                    
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                        [Joe Swanson is in a fight with the Grinch]
Grinc [...]                    
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                        Cleveland:
I have a weird fat boy too. Would you l [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
Hey look, there's Oral Roberts Univ [...]                    
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                        [on buying a coffin...]
Peter Griffin:
I'll take  [...]                    
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                        Doctor:
Mr. Griffin, all your tests came back nega [...]                    
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                        Cleveland:
Public urination is just wrong. Except  [...]                    
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                        Lois Griffin:
All right, Stewie, hold on to these  [...]                    
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                        [Lois is upset about a cult that is worshipping Pe [...]                    
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                        Stewie Griffin:
They're getting nude! I mustn't wa [...]                    
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                        Peter Griffin:
[Pirate]
Let us have our fill of br [...]                    
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                        [Stewie is sitting in between Meg and Peter dresse [...]                    
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                        [Peter has accidentally unleashed the 10 plagues]
 [...]                    
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