Ted

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Lori: There's a shit on the floor! Ted: Or, or, o [...]	D
Ted: [Finishing ringing up a customer at his check [...]	D
Lori: Okay here's a test to see how much you actua [...]	D
Bellybutton: I love you!	D
[Sam pours tequila shots and hands them to John an [...]	D
Lori: [after Tami-Lynn leave after an argument wit [...]	D
Ted: [upon seeing all the pictures of himself at D [...]	D
John: I could have wound up like that Asian guy at [...]	D
Ted: [after a TV falls on John] Why are you crying [...]	D
Ted: I look like Snuggles' accountant	D
Robert: Me and Ted are going to be best friends, D [...]	D
Ted: You know, you're acting like a cock, you know [...]	D
[from trailer] [thunder is heard outside] Lori: [...]	D
Southern Newscaster: [regarding Ted coming to life [...]	D
Ted: [Regarding him split in half] God... I look l [...]	D
Guy: He's been going out for four years. My longes [...]	D
Ted: [sigh] Look, John... loves you very much. Mor [...]	D
Lori: [Enters apartment and sees Ted and four hook [...]	D
John: [calling 911] This guy took my teddy bear! [...]	D
Ted: [to fat kid] Back off, Susan Boyle!	D
John: I think back to that Christmas morning and I [...]	D
Donny: You know Ted, when I was a little boy, I sa [...]	D
Donny: I have to say, I've been following you ever [...]	D
John: [from deleted scene] I could've ended up lik [...]	D
Ted: [blocking Donny's view] Let's see how well yo [...]	D
[Ted drives John's car out of the car rental lot, [...]	D
Donny: Are you out here all alone? Ted: Uh, no, n [...]	D
Johnny Carson: You know I thought you'd be taller. [...]	D
Ted: You can sing any 90's song with just vowels.	D
Ted: All right, kid, you win. We'll do it your way [...]	D
Ted: You know, you are acting like a cock.	D
Ted: No, see trust me I can do this. Guy #1: Shut [...]	D
John: I don't know that you wanna go to a drug dea [...]	D
Ted: Let's just find a better place to get stoned.	D
Lori: Welcome back Ted! John: It was you! Ted: S [...]	D
Ted: [to Tami-Lynn] You have a baby? Is it alive?	D
Frank: You think you got what it takes? Ted: I'll [...]	D
[from trailer] Ted: [dressed in a suit and tie] I [...]	D
Narrator: Now if there's one thing you can be sure [...]	D
John: [during a flashback to 2008] Chris Brown can [...]	D
Ted: Hey Lori, can you turn the alarm to 11 AM? I' [...]	D
[John gets a phone call from Ted] John: Excuse me [...]	D
[Rex escorts John to the second floor of his house [...]	D
Ted: Oh hey listen, try this, I told my weed guy t [...]	D
Ted Danson: Woody Harrelson. Smallest dick I've ev [...]	D
Ted: There. Proof. Garfield's eye look like a pair [...]	D
[John is in Thomas' office for being late and for [...]	D
[Donny is pursuing Ted up the tower of Fenway Park [...]	D
Ted: [Ted and Tami-Lynn grunting and moaning] Stic [...]	D
John: Ted! Ted: I'm alive, Johnny! John: Oh, my [...]	D
Robert: You can't have my Teddy bear! [Charges Jo [...]	D
Lori: Can I give you a ride home? John: No thanks [...]	D
Young John: Mom, Dad, guess what? My teddy bear's [...]	D
John: Can you call my cellphone? Lori: Yeah [Lor [...]	D
Tom Skerritt: My daughter better still be alive yo [...]	D
Sam J. Jones: We are gonna party like the '80s. T [...]	D
Ted: Your co-worker was making out with that Van W [...]	D
Ted: Lori was right about you: you cannot take r [...]	D
John: We have been dating for four years tomorrow. [...]	D
Ted: Listen. You got to let me help you make thing [...]	D
[John rushes to Ted's apartment] Ted: Johnny, tha [...]	D
[last lines, as Ted and Sam Jones do a "flash jump [...]	D
[from trailer] Ted: I met a girl; she's a cashier [...]	D
Sam J. Jones: Death to Ming!	D
Ted: Oh look Johnny, if we're ever gonna get serio [...]	D
Sam J. Jones: We are gonna party like the 80s. Te [...]	D
John: Plus! A hooker took a shit in our apartment! [...]	D
Lori: So, Tami-Lynn, why don't you... tell us a li [...]	D
Ted: [while being carried inside a bag] Oh, I hear [...]	D
Robert: Stand up straight when you're talking to m [...]	D
Ted: Look, all I'm saying is that Boston women are [...]	D
John: [Imitating Ted] Hey Johnny, I just had a gre [...]	D
Ted: Company's turning 20, huh? So you can bang it [...]	D
Narrator: No matter how big a splash you make in t [...]	D
[Norah Jones is in her dressing room preparing a d [...]	D
Ted: [Lori just took a shower; she is nude except [...]	D
[Norah Jones returns to the stage after an intermi [...]	D

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Ted

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